everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize