It's Friday. Sex?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
