There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
