You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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