enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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