Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Boobs are out for the taking
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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