That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
