just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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