I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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