Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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