i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
