I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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