Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
