i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
