I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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