My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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