i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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