Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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