My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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