he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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