Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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