The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize