I just threw up on my dentist
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
