2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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