a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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