he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
