Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
