i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
