I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
