no, he came in my armpit
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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