Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
