I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
