Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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