he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
