i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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