I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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