3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
