I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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