is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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