Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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