I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
