I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
