forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
