Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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