I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
