i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
