I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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