We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the day after is always just damage control
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
