He had one of those small greek statue penises
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
