i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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