i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
