dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
