just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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