I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
