don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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