that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize