Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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