Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
