Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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