i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
