She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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