This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
