I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you had me at cake vodka
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
