How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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