The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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