He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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