hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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